Irish Funny
Irish Funny
 |
 St Patricks Day Funny Irish Licence to Drink T shirt G  US $9.99
|
The Funny Side of Aging
What's so funny about growing old? Not a whole lot, according to the wisest man who ever lived. Here's what Solomon said about our "Golden Years:"
Honor and enjoy your Creator while you're still young,
Before the years take their toll and your vigor wanes,
Before your vision dims and the world blurs
And the winter years keep you close to the fire.
In old age, your body no longer serves you so well.
Muscles slacken, grip weakens, joints stiffen.
The shades are pulled down on the world.
You can't come and go at will. Things grind to a halt.
The hum of the household fades away.
You are wakened now by bird-song.
Hikes to the mountains are a thing of the past.
Even a stroll down the road has its terrors.
Your hair turns apple-blossom white,
Adorning a fragile and impotent matchstick body.
Yes, you're well on your way to eternal rest,
While your friends make plans for your funeral.
Life, lovely while it lasts, is soon over.
Life as we know it, precious and beautiful, ends.
The body is put back in the same ground it came from.
The spirit returns to God, who first breathed it.
Ecclesiastes 12:1-7 (The Message)
Old King Solomon said it all, didn't he? Sure, aches and pains aren't much fun. Getting wrinkles along with a bigger belly (or butt) isn't much of a laugh either. And say, those mirrors are getting downright vicious! Tell me, do you make a shopping list because you know you can't trust your memory, and then go off and forget the list? Yep, been there and done that. So my fellow maturing baby boomers, other than joining the vampires in avoiding mirrors and taping our grocery list to our wrist, how can we best cope with the aging dilemma?
I say quotable quotes! That's right; let's turn to the most humorous quotes we can find on aging and see if that doesn't help ease the burden of seeing too way too many candles glaring at us on the birthday cake.
Here's the cream of the crop -- or at least the best I have been able to dig up:
"You can only be young once. But you can always be immature." Dave Barry (1947-) American humorist
"The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age." Lucille Ball (1911-1989) American actress
"If you want to recapture your youth, just cut off his allowance." Al Bernstein American writer and actor
"There's no fool like an old fool --- you can't beat experience." Jacob Morton Braude (1896-1970) American writer, author
"By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it." George Burns (1896-1996) American comedian and actor
"I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it." George Burns
"If you live to the age of a hundred you have it made because very few people die past the age of a hundred." George Burns
"Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere." George Burns
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." George Burns
"No man knows he is young while he is young." G. K. Chesterton (1874-1936) English writer
"Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternatives." Maurice Chevalier (1888-1972) French actor and singer
"He is so old that his blood type was discontinued." Bill Dana (1924- ) American comedian, actor and screenwriter
"I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table." Rodney Dangerfield (1921-2004) American comedian and actor
"The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you'll grow out of it." Doris Day (1924- ) American actress, singer
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it's such a nice change from being young." Dorothy Canfield Fisher (1879-1958) American author
"I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up." Harry Hershfield (1885-1974) American comic artist
"Middle age is when you still believe you'll feel better in the morning." Bob Hope (1903-2003) American comedian, actor
"Middle age is when your age starts to show around the middle." Bob Hope
"If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old." Edgar Watson Howe (1853-1937) American journalist
"Whenever a man's friends begin to compliment him about looking young, he may be sure that they think he is growing old." Washington Irving (1783-1859) American author
"Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough." Groucho Marx (1890-1977) American comedian
"Old age is like flying through a storm. Once you're aboard, there's nothing you can do." Golda Meir (1898-1978) Prime Minister of Israel
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ''At my age, I don't even buy green bananas.' " Claude D. Pepper (1900-1989) Florida Senator and a Representative
"Some grow bitter with age; the more their teeth drop out, the more biting they get." George D. Prentice (1802-1870)
"The denunciation of the young is a necessary part of the hygiene of older people, and greatly assists in the circulation of their blood." Logan Pearsall Smith (1865-1946)
"I'm so lonesome; they are all dying; I have hardly a warm personal enemy left." James McNeill Whistler (1834-1903) American painter, etcher, and wit
"I am not young enough to know everything." Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) Irish author and wit
"As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied." Oscar Wilde
There, did that help? Yeah, I know. Some of the quotes aren't that funny. I just threw them in to see if you were still awake. Why don't you memorize a few of these quotations and try them out on a old friend or two. You might brighten up their day. Or they may just hold up their ear trumpet and cry, "Eh?"
If I haven't listed your favorite aging quote, email it to me and I'll include it in the next article.
I believe you eventually become whatever you allow your mind to think about. So if you want to be happy during the "senior years," my advice is: start a collection of humorous quotes. It sure beats mulling over your aches and pains! Who knows, after a few inspiring words from George Burns or Oscar Wilde, even that old buzzard you see in the mirror might start to look more chirpy.
About the Author
Jerry Boone, Gatlinburg, Tennessee, United States webmaster@merechristianity.us Mr. Boone is a sailor, author, and webmaster of http://merechristianity.us His works include: Mere Christianity.us and SAFETY LINE - EVIDENCE OF THINGS NOT SEEN, an apologetic study published 1998.
|
|
Irish shamrock funny Funny Ringer T by CafePress $22.25 Funny humorous sloganed women's Irish tees for funny Irish women and Irish men wanting funny Irish slogans and Irish shamrock designs on their Irish t shirts this St Patrick's Day 2009. Funny Ringer T The Ringer T has made a fashion comeback, and ours is a popular favorite. This classic style is sure to impress even the most discerning t-shirt connoisseur with an eye for retro-coolness. Great for relaxing in comfort year-round.5.5 oz. 100% pres |
|
|
Irish Blessing $7.99 Irish Blessing |
|
|
Funny Irish Irish-ish Funny Cap by CafePress $17 Are you really Irish or just ish on St. Patrick's Day? Either way this is a great bar-tee to wear for St. Patty's Day. Funny t-shirts, hats, buttons, beer mugs more. Don't forget your green Funny Cap . Our adjustable, 100% brushed cotton Cap is unstructured and an ideal way to beat the heat. Wear it anytime you want to keep the sun off or cover up a bad hair day. It features a sturdy low profile brim, sweatband, and adjustable closure, as well as Pre |
|
|
Irish shamrock funny Funny White T-Shirt by CafePress $22 Funny humorous sloganed women's Irish tees for funny Irish women and Irish men wanting funny Irish slogans and Irish shamrock designs on their Irish t shirts this St Patrick's Day 2009. Funny White T-Shirt Tee, TShirt, Shirt The white t-shirt is a timeless classic for a reason; it should be a staple in every wardrobe. It is clean, simple, and durable. The best part is you can wear it with anything. This 100% cotton T-shirt is so comfortable you'll want to wear it to bed. |
|
|
Irish Socks $9.99 Truly a cheerful treat for Irish feet?.socks with shamrocks, an Irish flag and the word Irish! Cotton and spandex. |
|
|
Irish Blessing 4 Plate $11.99 Irish Blessing 4 Plate |
|
|
Irish Blessing 8 Plate $22.99 Irish Blessing 8 Plate |
|
|
Irish Dancer Bead $53 Irish Dancer Bead |
|
|
Born Usa 100% Irish $59 Born Usa 100% Irish |
|
|
Irish Cup Of Tea Bead $70 Irish Cup Of Tea Bead |
|
|
Irish Mom Bead $31 Irish Mom Bead |
|
|
Irish Soup Recipes Magnet $9.99 Irish Soup Recipes Magnet |
|
|
Irish Cottage Bead $55 Irish Cottage Bead |
|
|
Irish Stout Recipes Magnet $9.99 Irish Stout Recipes Magnet |
|
|
Honey With Irish Cream Liqueur $7.99 Honey With Irish Cream Liqueur |
|
|
Irish Tux Shirt $21.99 Irish Tux Shirt |
|
|
Irish Skull Funny Mug by CafePress $15 Do you know someone who is proud of their Irish heritage? Here is a unique Irish skull they will love. Skull is wearing a Leprechaun hat and is accented by shamrocks and has a message Irish To The Funny Mug The perfect size for your favorite morning beverage or late night brew. Large, easy-grip handle. Treat yourself or give as a gift to someone special. Measures 3.75 tall, 3 diameter. Dishwasher and microwave safe. |
|
|
Irish shamrock funny Funny Dark T-Shirt by CafePress $26 Funny humorous sloganed women's Irish tees for funny Irish women and Irish men wanting funny Irish slogans and Irish shamrock designs on their Irish t shirts this St Patrick's Day 2009. Funny Dark T-Shirt Tee, TShirt, Shirt Don't waste time deciding on which shirt to put on each morning. This dark shirt t-shirt will never go out of style and hides stains better too. This high-quality t-shirt is pre-shrunk and 100% cotton, which makes it both comfortable and durable. |
|
|
Irish $10 Irish |
|
|
Irish In Me Funny Women's T-Shirt by CafePress $22 I'm not Irish, but I've had some Irish in me. This suggestive design is perfect to celebrate St. Patrick's Day Um, even if you're not REALLY Irish. Funny Women's T-Shirt Tee, TShirt, Shirt Our 100% cotton Women's tee is preshrunk, durable and guaranteed. 5.6 oz. 100% cotton. Standard fit. |
|
|
Irish RN Funny Sweatshirt by CafePress $39.5 RN Irish nurses shirts, apparel and gifts featuring Irish shamrocks and RN are great gift ideas and fun for everyday wear including St. Patrick's Day Funny Sweatshirt Tee, TShirt, Shirt Warm up in our stylin' Hanes Heavyweight 90/10 cotton/polyester sweatshirt. Thick but not bulky, for maximum comfort and durability whether you're working out or hanging out. 10.1 oz. patented PrintPro174; fabric in a 90/10 cotton/polyester |
|
|
Irish EMT Funny Cap by CafePress $17 EMT's can celebrate their Irish EMT heritage with our star of life and shamrock design on apparel, tee's, personalized tote bags and great gift ideas. Perfect for St Patricks Day and Irish EMT's. Funny Cap . Our adjustable, 100% brushed cotton Cap is unstructured and an ideal way to beat the heat. Wear it anytime you want to keep the sun off or cover up a bad hair day. It features a sturdy low profile brim, sweatband, and adjustable closure, as well as Pre |
|
|
Irish Kitteh Funny Mug by CafePress $15 Irish Kittehs dance teh jig With four dancing cats. If you laugh out loud at Irish kittehs, you will love this dancing cat Great for the lolcat fan who can't get enough laughs Funny Mug The perfect size for your favorite morning beverage or late night brew. Large, easy-grip handle. Treat yourself or give as a gift to someone special. Measures 3.75 tall, 3 diameter. Dishwasher and microwave safe. |
|
|
Kiss My Irish Ass Funny Stein by CafePress $20 Kiss My Irish Ass A green donkey with an Irish hat with a shamrock waits for a St. Patrick's Day kiss Even an Irish ass deserves a kiss on St. Paddy's Day Funny t-shirt or gift for any Irish ass Funny Stein Heft a cold one in this 22 oz. ceramic stein with gold trim. A great usable alternative to the trophy. Make any day Oktoberfest whether with this impressive stein on the shelf or in-hand. CheersMeasures 6.75 tall, 3.75 diameter base, 3 di |
|
|
Nothin' Butt Irish Terriers Funny Cap by CafePress $17 Nothing Butt Irish Terriers Irish Terrier Butts Galore on T-shirts, caps and more. Shout out your love of Irish Terriers with this funny cartoon of Irish Terrier Butts. Funny Cap . Our adjustable, 100% brushed cotton Cap is unstructured and an ideal way to beat the heat. Wear it anytime you want to keep the sun off or cover up a bad hair day. It features a sturdy low profile brim, sweatband, and adjustable closure, as well as Pre |
|
|
Irish Irish Jr. Raglan by CafePress $28.5 FBI, Full Blooded Irish, Funny St. Patricks Day Irish T-Shirts and Irish T-Shirts Irish Humor Merchandise. Wear Green on a St. Patricks Day T-Shirt Irish Jr. Raglan Our Jr. Raglan from American Apparel is body contoured and baby soft. Made of 100% superfine combed cotton baby rib, this raglan provides the perfect look for any season. 5.8 oz. 100% Ultra-fine combed ring spun 1x1 baby rib cotton. Size up |
|
|
Irish For a Day Funny Women's Tank Top by CafePress $22 Irish For a Day t-shirts with an Irish shamrock and Irish for a Day. Everyone is Irish on St. Patrick's Day, even if they are only Irish for a day Funny Women's Tank Top Sporty and sexy, wear our women's tank top to beat the summer heat or workout in cool comfort. Our tank top is made of 100% combed ring spun cotton, and cut for a close, fashionable fit. Neck and armhole are carefully shaped to conceal a bra.6.1 o |
|
|
Irish For a Day Funny White T-Shirt by CafePress $22 Irish For a Day t-shirts with an Irish shamrock and Irish for a Day. Everyone is Irish on St. Patrick's Day, even if they are only Irish for a day Funny White T-Shirt Tee, TShirt, Shirt The white t-shirt is a timeless classic for a reason; it should be a staple in every wardrobe. It is clean, simple, and durable. The best part is you can wear it with anything. This 100% cotton T-shirt is so comfortable you'll want to wear it to bed. |
|
|
Worcester Irish Funny Men's Sleeveless Tee by CafePress $22 Worcester Irish T-Shirts feature Worcester with Irish shamrock. Worcester Irish show your Irish with our Worcester Irish t-shirts. Funny Men's Sleeveless Tee Beat the summer heat or workout in comfort. Our 100% cotton sleeveless tee from Anvil is what to wear when you want to go casually cool.6.1 oz. 100% cotton. Standard fit. |
|
|
Irish by Injection Funny Irish Women's Light T-Shirt by CafePress $22 Show your sense of humor about your not-so-Irish heritage with this funny Irish by injection design The perfect way to show how you can tell an Irish joke with the best of 'em Irish Women's Light T-Shirt Tee, TShirt, Shirt Our 100% cotton women's tee is preshrunk, durable and guaranteed.5.6 oz. 100% cotton. Standard fit. |
|
|
Irish boobies Funny White T-Shirt by CafePress $22 Funny boobies slogan Irish tees featuring Irish leprechauns,bees and a funny boobies slogans.If you're after boobies slogan Irish tees for St Patricks Day 2009 here they are you boobies fan you. Funny White T-Shirt Tee, TShirt, Shirt The white t-shirt is a timeless classic for a reason; it should be a staple in every wardrobe. It is clean, simple, and durable. The best part is you can wear it with anything. This 100% cotton T-shirt is so comfortable you'll want to wear it to bed. |
|
|
Irish boobies Funny Baseball Jersey by CafePress $32.5 Funny boobies slogan Irish tees featuring Irish leprechauns,bees and a funny boobies slogans.If you're after boobies slogan Irish tees for St Patricks Day 2009 here they are you boobies fan you. Funny Baseball Jersey Our 100% cotton Baseball Jersey is a sporty hit with both men and women whether you're in the game or just looking the part in great run-around casual-wear. Choose red, blue or black sleeves. 6.1 oz. 100% heavyweight cotton. Standard f |
|
|
Irish boobies Funny Women's Tank Top by CafePress $22 Funny boobies slogan Irish tees featuring Irish leprechauns,bees and a funny boobies slogans.If you're after boobies slogan Irish tees for St Patricks Day 2009 here they are you boobies fan you. Funny Women's Tank Top Sporty and sexy, wear our women's tank top to beat the summer heat or workout in cool comfort. Our tank top is made of 100% combed ring spun cotton, and cut for a close, fashionable fit. Neck and armhole are carefully shaped to conceal a bra.6.1 o |
|
|
Irish boobies BBQ Funny Apron by CafePress $22 Funny boobies slogan Irish tees featuring Irish leprechauns,bees and a funny boobies slogans.If you're after boobies slogan Irish tees for St Patricks Day 2009 here they are you boobies fan you. Funny Apron Great in the kitchen or at the BBQ, our mid-length apron provides great coverage to help keep spills and splatters off your clothes. Makes a great gift for gourmets or grill-masters. Ties at neck and waist. Two center-stitched bottom compartment pouches f |
|
|
Irish Sweatshirt $39.99 Let the world know that you're proudly Irish! Printed in the USA. 50% cotton / 50% polyester. |
|
|
Personalized Irish Angel Ornament $6.99 An adorable angel and as Irish as can be! Resin. Imported. |
This entry was posted on Saturday, May 30th, 2009 at 12:41 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.